Stock Market Terms

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer
Bull Market- A random market movement causing an
investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets
no sex.
Value investing- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
Broker- What my broker has made me.
Standard & Poor- Your life in a nutshell.
Stock analyst- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock split- When you ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.
Market Correction- The day after you buy stocks.
Cash flow- The movement your money makes as it
disappears down the toilet.
Yahoo- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
Windows- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
at $240 per share.
Institutional investor- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
Profit- An archaic word no longer in use